Saturday, December 15, 2012

Sociopaths, School Killers and Media Contributions

"Adolescent violence in general, and homocides in particular, have decreased since 1993, but that hopeful trend has been somewhat obscured in the nationwide wave of concern over school shootings of the type examined in NCAVC's study. This recent form of adolescent violence is in fact quite rare. But the sudden, senseless deaths of teenagers and teachers in the middle of a school day, for no comprehensible reason, is far more shocking and gets far more attention than the less extreme acts of violence that happen in schools every week." -O'Toole

Hi guys, I'm here with my views on the recent media attacks that everyone seems to be thinking, posting, and talking about. I might be a little different though, as I will not be referencing specific events, or naming individuals- you will read why in a little bit. 

A few months ago, I made a post about counselling. I cited several statistics on mental health in youth as well as the views I have formed after struggling with mild social disorders for many years. I still believe that introducing it as a an active part of education in preteen and early teenage development will help the public education system and civil servants to actively improve the lives of young adults. 

The last few days, the only thing I have seen on my re-opened facebook page has been ridiculous and repeated commentary on school shootings. People expressing condolances to individuals they have no connection to through a public forum that will never reach the family of the victims. In particular, a few people have even been posting video footage and  stories about how individuals spent their last living minutes. There is something incredibly disturbed in this.

It is commonly believed that the reason an individual commits these acts and targets the helpless is because they intend to make a statement to the community for whatever reason. When you make them infamous for what they are doing, you are empowering those who would pick up the gun. In fact, more often than not, when someone does commit a horrendous gun show in a public place, a copy cat will follow in their foot steps within two weeks of the initial event.

I posted on my facebook: what happened yesterday was so sad. Yes I agree. It was not tragic because there is no upturn in it( look up tragedy as an archetype). Stop posting your condolences. The families will not see them. You are as bad as the media and unconsciously encouraging others to do this! This is NOT a debate. Comments will be deleted and tomorrow I will remove this. People do shootings like this for publicity. To be talked about. Why is it seemingly so common now? Take a look at how infamous they become when they do!

I agree that perhaps this is a little bit out of line- not because of what I said but the tone I used to convey it. I don't believe that making senseless comments will help anyone. I do believe they are encouraging and reinforcing the negative behaviour that the media encourages with their 24-7 coverage of these rather isolated incidents. Within minutes of posting it, I had a series of inbox messages telling me I had no right to tell another person how to grieve. Excuse me. Who are you grieving for? Oh right. The victims. I'm sorry. As someone who has dealt with a lot of grief, I must point out that true grief does NOT require a public show of sorrow. Call me a terrible person if you will. I will call you a fake. I returned home from the work party tonight to a series of similar comments- despite my post that they would be removed and should not be posted on my status. I reported each one as spam. I thought about reporting them as harassment since I had clearly stated I did not wish to converse on the matter. One of which was telling me that since she was a mother I had no right to tell her what her opinion was. I'm sorry. I thought I was expressing my opinion. On my page. She was specifically the person I had posted the status about, but I did not post it to her private wall, singling her out about it. I posted it in a general statement and she (among others) chose to disrespect me.

"Professor Jackson explained that all spree killers have certain things in common – they are unstable, narcissistic, immature and consistently blame others for their failures." Hills

Someone else told me that since shooters often killed themselves after, they did not do it for the publicity. There is NO profile of sociopathic killer that can be used to identify a killer in advance. However, one thing that hindsight has proven is that each one has had a high level of egocentricity, and narcissism. They are often individuals who have not been acknowledged in something, or wish to throw a temper tantrum  and get their way however they must. The promise of knowing they will commit an act that will "raise awareness" is very inticing. Often they do not mean for it to escalate as it does, unless they are one of the rather rare systematic killers.  

"Sociopaths are characterized by a disregard for social obligation and a lack of concern for the feelings of others. They display pathological egocentricity, shallow emotions, lack of insight, poor control of impulsiveness (including a low tolerance for frustration and a low threshold for discharge of aggression), irresponsibility, a lack of empathy for other human beings and of remorse, anxiety or guilt in relation to his/her antisocial behavior. They are usually callous, manipulative individuals, incapable of lasting friendship and of love. They shamelessly lie, cheat, steal, abuse, neglect their relatives and families, and endanger themselves and other people in a reckless manner." -Sabbatini

I should not have said they do it for the media coverage. I am sorry about that, however the point does not change that when you disregard the victims grieving and open an individuals entire life up for scrutiny, you are helping other young men and women learn how to do it themselves. Self fulfilling prophecy. 

The thing is, people have been killing people since the dawn of time. A hundred years ago, someone died on the opposite side of the world, it hurt the people who were actually involved in that event and people back near you didn't get any ideas and didn't see a world where they want more attention and want it whether it is negative or positive. Why do we hear about a shooting half an hour after it occured, but a genocide or progrom can take years if not decades, to be acknowledged? I don't get it. Why do people refuse to look at the bigger picture? If the media, the social groups, the social forums, spent their time focusing on understanding the human mind and condition, to looking after themselves and their own, and leaving everything in between to run it's natural course, I have to say that I believe the world would be a much more positive place to live!

Oh. Guys. I did my homework.
Read more:

Friday, November 9, 2012

Peter Pan and NeverLand

"The greatest day in your life and mine is when we take total responsibility for our attitudes. That's the day we truly grow up."
John C. Maxwell.

"Dreams do come true, if only we wish hard enough. You can have anything in life if you will sacrifice everything else for it."
-JM Barrie, Peter Pan

Ladies and gentlemen of the internet, I am tired of hearing or saying "maybe", "eventually", "I will try", and "hopefully". These are not terms to keep away a sense of failure. In fact, they actually encourage failure as they remove your responsibility for ultimate decisions. If you do not want to beat yourself up about a failure, use your coping mechanisms. If you do not have appropriate coping mechanisms, take the steps needed to develop those! It is not rocket science and I am tired of seeing this used as a scape goat. Or the phrasing of a promise being used to turn it into something meaningless and legalistic. 

Every body has their flaws and failures. Saying, "I will do whatever I can to make my vision or my goal a success" is not saying that if, at the end of the day, you have fallen a step behind or had a set back that you have failed. It is saying, "you know what? I'm not done yet." I have a tendancy to fall into a "why bother" mentality. This is poisonous. I recognize this and I'm trying to change it. Oh wait. There is that word. Try. No I`m not trying. I AM changing it. It just might take me a little longer than I expected. I take responsibility for my failure, for the people I might have hurt in that momentary lapse of control or the events I might have changed. 

"Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the see of either success or failure in the mind of another."
-Napoleon Hill

My guy drives me crazy with the "I can't promise anything but I'll try" philosophy he has. He wants to know that he has not committed to doing something so that if he wants an out or a way around something he has it. When he says "I'll try" I assume he really means that it may or may not ever happen, because his attempts are often surface level (but not all of the time... so it is safer to assume the negative). He is setting himself up to fail at trying, because he now has no real responsibility to actually see something through or complete something. 

Ie: I will try and make it to my doctors appointment translates to, I will call somebody I know has an business meeting that day to see if they can give me a ride. If they can't, at least I tried to get a ride to the appointment. 

Because if he legitimately tries to get a ride to that appointment, and there isn't someone who can drive him, he is going to feel trapped that he can't just get himself there. Or, if he does get a ride and that appointment tells him something negative like he has an infection or something (sorry, its was an example I pulled out of no where so I'm not so organized with it) he is going to wish he hadn't gone because what he doesn't know can't hurt him. 

However, that sense of failure or entrapment is his own attitude. He would chose to look at the negative, not the positive. Not, oh well I can reschedule and everything will be fine. Or, alternately, at least I found out now and can treat it.

For anyone who uses these terms, I would like you to take a moment and check your motivation. I know I need to do that daily! Do you use them because you legitimately mean there is a chance, or you're going to try your best at something? Or are you saying it because it is absolving you of responsibility if you fail? Here's the thing. Failure is not permanent. So if that is why you are doing it, please stop. Chose silence over words you don't mean or make that commitment to following through! The time something is permanent is when you make it so. Life will give you and infinite amount of options. Not all of them will be good, and not all will be bad. All failure does is weed out one of the negative options and show you a positive one!

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts."
Winston Churchill

Monday, November 5, 2012

November Madness

"Write me of hope and love, and hearts that endured."
Emily Dickinson

Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Well. Evening is perhaps a mis-statement as it is currently 1 am. I have to be awake and active in less than 7 hours and I still have at least one more hour before I can lay my head on the pillow. I am relatively unconcerned about my sleep pattern being disrupted tonight, however, as I do happen to have tomorrow evening off of work.

It is November all ready. I know that a few weeks ago I made a post detailing my upcoming posts. I then followed through with only one of them. I am going to make good on those other articles. November will also be the month I bring my views to over a thousand. I started this approximately six months ago. My views were very good for the first two months but have slowly declined and I really have no one to blame but myself. After all, I went from posting regularly, and with thought to nothing but the occasional update.

Tonight, I'm going to tell you about NaNoWriMo- specifically about my novel choice.


Working Title: River Winds Blow

Genre: Historical Fiction

Synopsis: Six young women who find their homes in 19th century New Orleans struggle to reconcile personal happiness with the roles that society want to conform them to. Claire struggles to please her family and abusive husband who demand she become a near perfect mother and wife. Elizabeth, American and new to Louisianna, is attempting to force herself into Creole upper class fighting for recognition and position. Helene walks the line between the good daughter and needing to flee to a foreign land to escape her emotions and a completely inappropriate liaison with the bastard son of a Frenchman. Marguerite is fooled by a childhood crush and left alone with a newborn infant bereft of family or support. Caroline ignores the possibility of a well off position as Quadroon mistress and the knowledge that her children could eventually become established merhants and businessmen for a boy running away from his controlling family and heading for the seas. Bridget, an Irish immigrant raising her four younger siblings struggles to understand why she seems to be the only one struggling with provide stability for them, and whether their arrival in New Orleans is the source of the majority of their misery.


Each section of story features a different character, but they also set up the next section. The goal is that the end of the month will bring 30 sections, and three years of character developments. I feel extraordinarily under qualified to write this story, but I suppose revision and a really good proofing after the second draft will help fix it right up.

 I'm a full day behind schedule and if I don't finish on time, I lose the competition aspect of this month. I feel like I did lots of character work, and I do know where I want each character to be at the end of the tale but I do not know how to get them from here to there. Wish me luck, and if I have any semblance of sanity left at the end of the month I promise to work on improving my blogs!

 For the few of you that do check this regularly, keep the faith. I haven't abandoned this place!

Monday, October 22, 2012

Dear "Grown Ups'

If you are reading this, and you are over the age of thirty years old, prepare to be insulted- or stop reading.


Guess what? You are NOT entitled to be assholes! I'm terribly sorry if some of you find this offensive, but with ten years of service industry work under my belt at this point in time, I have a very strong conviction that this insight needs to be shared with you.

There seems to be this misunderstanding that adolescents are incapable of making their own decisions, or behaving in a polite fashion, or participating in society. I would really appreciate it if all you bigoted "adults" would throw this notion to the wind and actually look at the people around you. In the last three years, I can count on one hand the amount of times I have been disrespected, or had issues with people between the ages of 12 and 25. In the last three days, I have been treated like garbage, been disrespected and told that I am incapable of making accurate decisions, doing my job and bettering society by more middle aged women than I care to remember. One of them, was so rude I had to lock myself in a freezer at work for almost ten minutes to keep me from telling them where to go and how to get there.

For those of you who think that teens are incapable of speaking their mind, accessing their emotions productively or curtailing their behaviour, I would dare you to look around the churches, schools and community centres. Who is there doing the majority of the "heavy" work? What makes how they are participating worth less than the 50 year olds contribution? Is it the fact that the fourteen year old hasn't had fourty years of out dated education and experience in a society that is adapting and changing on a seasonal  (let alone annual) basis? Or is it because they ask you to fill out a form for them at the end of the day.

I have found in my experience as a baby sitter, nursury worker, volunteer, and most importantly as a service worker, that the older you get, the more entitled you seem to feel you are to be indignant, rude. abusive, and intolerant. It's time somebody finally disciplined you and told you YOU'RE GROUNDED and if you haven't anything nice to say, shut your mouth and stay at home. Cause guess what? When I get a rude kid in at work and I speak to them in a reasonable tone and tell them to knock it off they usually will and if they don't, they face the consequences of having to deal with a manager or their parents, depending on the circumstance. Typically all I have to do is speak to a teenager or child once in a respectful tone that doesn't treat them like an imbecile and trusts their judgement and for some reason I usually get a positive result. Yet.... treating a fifty year old as a reasonable adult with a respectful tone and trusting that they will have learned to be polite gets the exact opposite reaction.

I love my job. I love providing service and help to people whether it is at Subway, at the Theater where I worked before, I loved baby sitting, volunteering with different organizations. I know everyone will have a bad day at some point, but your mindset is within your control and you are NOT ENTITLED to take your bad day out on those you encounter in society. Until you learn to be polite, mind your manners, use your please and thank yous, avoid spreading gossip, or being an asshole in general, do the world a favor and lock yourself in your room because you are not contributing the general welfare of society. You are hindering it. You don't know if that clerk you just yelled at is working a 12 hour shift on her birthday because two people called off. You know that cashier you just screamed at because they don't accept a coupon you printed off an email with no barcode on it has no personal ability to fix it, and just because you have grey hair does not necessarily mean you are over 65 so be gracious about it- after all, isn't wisdom supposed to come with age? Pick your stupid battles wisely.

Monday, October 15, 2012

Sleep well and deep

Sleep well and deep,
I will see you soon,
Though time decides when that will be.
Sleep deep and sound,
Know I miss you,
Though time meshes my memories.
Sleep sound, and well
You needed rest,
Though time flew far too swiftly.
Sleep well and deep,
I love you mommy.
Time can't change that.

Thursday, October 11, 2012


Have you heard of this?

National Novel Writers Month.

November 1 - November 30.

I participate in the online competition: NaNoWriMo . If you finish a 50 000 word novel between the first and the thirtieth, you win! That sounds like a lot of words, but it's really only the length of some university major reports, and it breaks down to just over 1600 words a day- 6 pages. Have you ever been on a writing streak? Once you get into a story, sometimes dozens of pages fly quickly out of the pen. My personal goal is going to be 2 000 words a day - 8 pages.

It's a fantastic organization that is promoting creativity, dedication, group dynamics (join a home region and participate in a write in or celebration party!). It empowers you. Even if you don't finish it, or commit to a smaller goal personally. I've never finished it. Last year I wrote 17 000 words though, which I thought was pretty good, considering well.... everything that was going on in November, with harassment and my moms funeral and relationship issues. I've never felt I failed but I do always feel driven to commit to the next year. This will  be the year I finish writing. Will you buy my book if I finish it?

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

General Update

List of upcoming blogs:
- NaNoWriMo approaches!
- Synopsis and concepts for my November novel
- Article on something. I'm not sure yet. Possibly a review from a movie or novel or possibly from the news.
- A memory
- Finally another general post.

Hey guys, my dedication to updating and writing has sucked this summer! I'm sorry! It's been crazy. My phone got cut off, I was moving and then I wasn't. I quit my job at the theater because I needed a change in my life of some kind, rather desperately and the day of my last shift, I was hired at a new place in town (amazing!). I've been prepping for NaNoWriMo in November, so keep your eyes out for my upcoming updates! The first one should be up tomorrow.

I am going to work on doing better here. Really. Don't give up on me yet. I hope everyone is doing well! Things have been rough for me since about June and my work and home life was like a hurricane during the summer, fast paced and sweeping me up in it's chaos but I think things have evened out a bit recently.

Mark has gotten me to promise him I will apply to schools for next September. I am going to apply for Russian, Linguistics, History and International Relations in Alberta... I don't know whether I should hope they will take me, or not. I mean, Mark and I are dedicated to moving next year. We are hoping in the next couple of months to be able to find out how he can apply for a job in the oil fields to get some training or find a good trade opportunity out there for him... school was his solution to my being left alone for periods of time. Still a 3 - 5 year program is a long commitment before you even stop and consider the financial commitment. Wish me luck though! If I can get into linguistics or a language program I could get work as a translator or get my TESL for teaching in North America.

Friday, September 7, 2012

Black, White, and Rainbow Shades of Right and Wrong.

The question today that has been plaguing me, is when do you hold your tongue? My entire life I've been struggling with honesty. Not about BEING honest. I'm pretty honest. There have been times I've lied (yes mom, I did eat all my lunch today.... noooo that wasn't MY sandwich you saw me throw into the hedge on my way up to the door....) or I've stretched the truth because I've been in a tight spot and needed to phrase something a certain way. But in general, I try to be open and honest. I sometimes even use honesty to deflect from more raw emotions. So why do people have such a hard time being honest? Why does my honesty seem to make people confrontational?

I hate being around dishonesty people. Especially when I owe those people. When do you draw the line, and where? Why do people help others, how do you recognize when they are helping for their own benefit, or using you, and how do you reconcile the need to accept the help and the need to make sure you aren't going to be used? When you know people you love are being lied to, or lying to others, when is it your place to step in? Especially when you have become a target for the lies? I hate manipulation, but even more than that, I hate people who have the gall to just flat out lie. Not even make an effort past saying "no thats not true".

My "flavor" of the week, as my Nana termed it, is my goal to move to Calgary next year. I don't know if it will happen. I just know I want to get out of here and get away from this town with a hundred years of generational drama pouring down without guilt or shame or manipulation because I chose to distance myself from parts of the family. I am related to probably every other person in my town. I can list by name and relation those people in my family I trust and love - guilt free.I can list the family I like hanging out with, and feel comfortable with. 

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Ramblings from a night of searching travel blogs

I have been chronically bitten by the travel bug but cursed with a lack of resources to do go. Once again my feet have gotten that itchy, burning sensation that says: GO SOMEWHERE! My goal has been to travel to a new country, once a year. 2010, I went to Georgia. 2011 I went to the west coast of the US to see friends and be at the wedding for two of my friends. 2012... I have not been so lucky this year. So far I was invited to France by an Aunt but unable to afford it (sadly, it would have cost me only my flight and what I wanted to spend while there) and I had been thinking about making plans to go to Cuba but don't want to travel alone.

I have never once boarded a plane with somebody else, or shared a trip with somebody who is full time in my life (in Georgia I made some very good friends so I did get to share some experiences with them, but I am talking about family: my parents, sibling, or fiance. When I went to the US I was staying with those friends from Georgia). There were several times when I was travelling that I went hmmm that would be perfect to share with _______.

I have decided that I want to home school any children I have until they are about gr 6. I do want them in the public school system for the sake of social development and those 'ahah' moments of personal growth. Not to say that children who are home schooled all the way through don't have those. I just don't feel that I would have the resources to provide those through education. Part of why I want to home school is so that I can travel with my family after their school year is done. I am intrigued by the idea of finding creative, budget conscious, ways of bringing their education into their life. It's also a good way of participating in what they are interested in.

That's several years down the road still, but it's good to have goals made in advance. For now I would just settle for having some money in the bank so that if another opportunity to travel or visit pops up, I could actually take it and go!

Friday, August 10, 2012

Social Networking and the Destruction of Quality

I have re opened my facebook account. I never fully shut it down to begin with, but hid everything and kept less than ten people on it because I was a bridesmaid in a wedding and trying to plan my own wedding. Before I deleted everyone and hid all my information, I gave a month of reminders and notification. I put my cell phone number up, I put my private email address up, I put my places of employment out for people to know, and I linked this blog every day letting people know different ways for them to keep in contact with me. In May, when I finally shut it down, the only two people who actually took the time to keep in contact with me were my Nana and my Aunt. Yup. So much for friends right?

Let me say that I think social networking can be awesome. It has the potential to be used for great good but it has also led to the destruction of quality. Social change groups and activist groups use it as a cheap or free way to get their cause known. As a result, I have actually had to notify some of these groups that I support in other ways that they are spamming me. Some are worse than others. They allow public posting, but do not monitor it. I recieved a lot of flack from people for shutting down my facebook. People I consider friends were unable to find a minute to even text me over the three months. In some cases, they even told other friends and family they were insulted that I did not have them on my facebook anymore. They felt targeted.

I look for quality in my relationships. I am really sorry if you felt that the only way you achieved quality in our relationship was through facebook. I do have one piece of advice to many of my so-called friends: grow up and give it up! When I text you or call you or message you over and over again asking to hang out and there is always an excuse? Guess what? I'm going to stop doing that. If I ask you to come over for lunch or dinner, or to go out, or to go see a movie or come over and watch a movie and you tell me you're not interested in that, show disinterest in setting a time or date to do that, I'm not going to text, email, call or message you to do those things with me! And if you have a problem with that, CALL ME or TEXT ME or SHOW UP TO MY WORK TO CHECK IT OUT or SHOW UP TO MY HOUSE! Do NOT talk to my sister, my other friends, my family or my fiance because it is none of their business. I'm VERY open with my information because I want to figure out who actually gives a damn about me and will take that extra ten seconds that it takes now to contact me. I'm really sorry if this makes me high maintenence, but I'm really tired of being the only one putting effort into my relationships.

Monday, July 30, 2012

Fear and Frustration

“No good work is ever done while the heart is hot and anxious and fretted.” 
-Olive Schreiner

So for the last three days, I have been a total and complete mess of emotions. I have been sleeping, crying, eating, repeat. I have barely seen another human being. I have been wallowing in a pit of self pity. It's time I grow up. I am not going to be moving out as I had planned. I don't know what plans to make now. I don't know what to do with my life. Everytime someone tells me I need to do school, I want to scream at them and tell them to shut up and that it's not an option. Mark and I are getting a lot of opposition to our relationship, and support in some unlikely places. When someone voices their opinion I want to just shout at them that it's none of their business. This is made worse by the fact that we are currently living almost an hour apart and don't have regular communication because of phone difficulties. 

I have anxiety. I can usually manage it, or at least pretend to manage it. The last few days have been totally over whelming as I felt all my recent plans disappear. I don't know what I want in life. I don't know how to figure out what I want in life. I know I want to write, but about what or where or when eludes me. I feel this bubbling urge to get things down on paper but I feel under qualified and incompetent. 

The next few months are going to be concentrated on getting a vehicle, writing a story, and finding a new job I think. I don't know. This could all change in the next week again, too. I don't know what my future holds, and I'm guessing you don't have the answers for me either, but hey at least I wrote something down! I need to find a bit of peace and so I'm starting to try and change my mindset because I suspect this is the first step to going down a new path.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Last Month Count Down

"We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we're curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths." - Walt Disney

This is the last month before I move out of my family home. I've lived in the same house since I was 2 years old. It is the same house my father was raised in. My dads biological father died here long before I was born, and my mother has died here. My life in this house has been bitter sweet. Lots of good times but there has been many bad or troubled times here too. 

I've lived overseas for short term, and I lived in an apartment in town for short term but I've never moved out before. I'm taking a big step. My  fiance and I will be renting with a friend in the next city over for the first couple of months. Low rent giving us a chance to get our feet under us. I know in the last month and a half my blogging has fallen out of pattern. It's probably going to stay sporadic for a bit of time. 

I can't wait to go and open these new doors. No. I don't know where I'm going to work, or what I'm going to do, but I turn 22 at the end of this month and oddly enough I no longer want to live with my dad and my 18 year old sister. It's not terribly abnormal I don't think. Things are really stressed right now in my family, and unfortunately I don't have the skills to be able to stand up under it for much longer. There is a future and I'm finally starting to get excited for it!

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Preparation and Transition

"I'm not in this world to live up to your expectations and you're not in this world to live up to mine." 
- Bruce Lee

I'm in the process of moving. I still have a month and a half before my personal dead line. I'm meeting a lot of criticism for my decision. There are times I just want to take those who are doing this and shake them and tell them to knock it off and let me make my own decisions. I'm 21, almost 22. Why in the world should I want to live at home with my 18 year old sister and my father, in a house outside of a town I hate?

I have several reasons but mainly it's just because I want to. Consider me stubborn or bull headed if you want, but I need to start being myself and stop trying to be who everyone else wants me to be. If you're in my life and you care about me, you will respect my decisions and not try to make them any harder. Stop telling me what I should feel, or what I should do. Stop telling me how I should act or where I should be in my life. I don't care. The people I love, I love as individuals. I can not say that I have always agreed with their decisions, nor can I say that I currently love people I loved when I was younger. You grow and change and massive personal decisions can result in massive personality development. This is an acceptable risk.

I believe I've arranged where I will be moving to in September (kind of. Waiting for final confirmation that this plan is a go), now I just need to stop spending my pay checks before I get them so that I can actually put money aside! Good news is, July will get me caught up on my bills. Everything I make in August, I should be able to bank. Now hopefully the good hours continue through August as well!

Thursday, July 5, 2012


Hey guys, do you see that gorgeous picture in the background? It's of Mestia, Svaneti in the Republic of Georgia.Those towers are hundreds of years old, or older and have survived more history than most of the world knows. The mountains in the background are some of the highest peaks in the world, and do belong to the highest peaks in Europe- the Caucus Mountains.

The Land of the Gold Fleece? I spent six months there and while I can't say I loved every minute of it, I loved every opportunity I had to get to know the land and the culture itself. It's amazing. I live in a major tourist area, took the travel and tourism course offered at my highschool, worked for two resorts (all though they were short work periods, one very positive and one very negative) and took care of children for tourists at another. I have wanted more people to go to Georgia. I have been interested in finding a way to promote social activism.

Yesterday a friend of mine who is newly married- and Georgian- created a group on Facebook to promote an initiative her American husband is trying to get going. Adventure tourism in Georgia. I'm *hoping* to join them on this venture, and start a tourism company. Anybody interested in adventure tourism in one of the worlds most beautiful and under explored countries?

Friday, June 29, 2012

Focus Lost

Okay, so I suck. I was doing so well! I can't come up with anything to write now though. I mean I have a story line and characters, I still have a format I would like to follow for the blog, but I'm tired. I don't know why. I just feel trapped and isolated right now. I can't wait to get out of here, and I don't know why because it's not so bad. We'll see how things go.

Sunday, June 24, 2012


Sorry guys! Just a little update so you know I am alive. The last two weeks have been insane. Incredible stress followed by amazing vacation. I went to Toronto for a week- not that amazing a trip, especially since it's only two hours away but since I'm moving there sometime in the next couple of weeks, I got to explore. I settled on a neighbourhood I want to look in. Close to my friends, in an area my Aunt Cheryl likes to visit and it's a good and safe area. On the metro and bus lines as well. I looked online today and there is a listing in the building right next to my friends! $850 / month, utilities included. It's a bachelor, but hey, gotta start somewhere!

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Film vs. Novel

Sometimes I wish that I felt adequate to write an epic story script. I'm trying to work on my story. The ideas are now over whelming and I'm starting to put ink and pen to paper. Still, I have fallen into my old habbit of writing "scenes".... with much more detail and a script. I want to describe their emotions as well as the surrounding, but I crave that perfect musical score to go in the background, and the right cinematography to go with it... Perhaps I have worked too long at a movie theater and really do need to find a job in a book store or library again. I'm sure my characters will work things out for me.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

No More Bandaids!

I am very thankful that I live in Canada. I have education, health care, REASONABLE financial security (all though many would disagree), and for the most part, I do believe that our elected representatives do their very best to actually care about the individuals in our country. What I dislike most is the band aid treatment that is given in the face of serious issues that effect the population on every level: individual, familial, cultural and national.

In school, at various levels, we have courses and studies that have been "designed" to fit a need. Has anyone heard of the D.A.R.E. program? It is commonly known, felt and acknowedged that this program is ineffective, however it remains the Ministry of Educations leading attempt to head off the development of substance addiction. As of 2010, use of illicit substances in those under the age of 18 was at an all time high. As one of those lucky individuals who can and will admit to never having taken drugs in their life, I can also write here that I've even argued openly with proponents for the DARE Program when they have been doing fundraising events in public places.

But. This entry is not designed to be a rant about the D.A.R.E. Program. If you feel it works, you probably were one of those individuals who had a positive experience with it, and lets face it, one life impacted by a program is an entire life. Let's not discount that. What I am trying to explain is that I feel there is a very large void left in the education system: addressing root causes. A healthy, confident teenager with a strong sense of self worth is going to be astronomically less inclined to commit a negatively life altering decison.

Let's review what I recieved in terms of "health" studies in school. In grade 6, we were forced to participate in the D.A.R.E. Program. The officer who did the training for my class (or perhaps it was the class the year after mine?) was later arrested for distributing narcotics to minors. Irony? By the time we had to sign the "covenant" which was supposed to be confidential, and mandatory, most of my friends had all ready done recreational drugs and many had even started to smoke or drink.This was children aged 11 and 12. In my grade 7 class, we had no health program as we were a grade 6/7 split, and the grade 6 students had to go take DARE in a different setting. In grade 8, we recieved the "reproduction" discussion. This is amusing as most students were 13 - 14 years of age by the point. I was a late bloomer and got my period the first day of 7th grade. Many of my fellow students had even engaged in intercourse all ready. We were given a teacher who couldn't even explain the purpose of a bra without getting red, and when we forced a boy in the class to ask her where babies came from, she burst into tears. In grade 9, our health class centred around: do you want kids? Yes, well wait until you're out of school. No? Don't have sex. Oh and by the way, the town has a sex clinic you can go to for free birth control. Grade 12, was given by the religion teacher (as I had switched schools) as part of her class. It involved trying to scare everyone into staying celibate- cause that works.

Throught the later part of my secondary education, a strong emphasis was put on needing to have a defined vision for the future. In grade 10, you had to have a mandatory half credit in Careers. In grade 11, Guidance began student consultations, where they called you by name and class for an appointment to discuss your post secondary options. In grade 12, the same appointment was called again. These were given during class time. As a result, I exited highschool still unsure of how to actually apply to the schools, but knowing about different programs and funding options and course availability. I knew how to check and see if something I was interested in would actually make me a lot of money. These educational resources, I feel, were largely successful. Of course, there were those who chose not to attend, found ways out of their appointments, and were utterly bewildered when attempting to navigate post-secondary options. There were also those who had all ready dropped out of school.

Why are we so good at giving options but not providing the resources for youth to reach those options? I have thought a lot about my own mental health and those of several friends and family. The common thread is that if we had been able to recieve adequate education and assessment during the life altering time period of puberty, we might have been able to address life altering issues as they began to develop- nipping them in the bud.

So lets employ the problem solving method my grade 5 teacher, Mrs. Cuthbert taught us.It requires four parts:

What educational reformation could possibly help children to develop the healthiest future (steering them away from: suicide, teen pregnancy- or "accidental" pregnancy at any time, substance abuse, and development of serious mental disabilities).

25% of adults in North America suffer from psychological disorders or serious mental illness. 50% of these adults developed their disorders prior to the age of 24. 10% of children under the age of 18 live with a SERIOUS mental illness or disorder. Only 1 out of 3 adults with a disorder ever receive treatment for it. Less than 1/2 of those under the age of 18 will recieve counseling to recieve treatment or diagnosis. 45% of those who suffer from one mental disorder, also suffer from other mental disorders as well. 1 out 5 Canadians between age 15 and 24 display symptoms of dependency on alcohol or illicit narcotics. Most mental disorders are treatable through a variety of means if they are diagnosed in time.

Ramifications of undiagnosed mental disorders: The classic lack of self esteem and self work, poor self imaging, self-fulfilling prophecies, and inability to follow a moral or legal code but are not limited to these. 50% of those between 15 and 18 years of age, who develop mental disorders, will drop out before the completion of secondary level education (high school). 70% of those in juvenile reform programs suffer from severe mental illness. Those who enter adulthood untreated, have a higher rate of developing severe, chronic, medical conditions. Their life expectancy rate decreases by 25 years. 1 out of every 3 deaths in children between age 10 and 18 are from suicide. For every person who dies by suicide, 25 other individuals have attempted it, and the deceased has most likely attempted or considered it roughly 18 times while they have tried to reach out to friends and family, coming across in a "bid for attention". 90% of these individuals have a treatable mental disorder. 1 out of every 4 people under the age of 24 will seriously consider killing themselves.

One must know the results, and address the root causes.

Suggested Conclusion:
Integrate counseling during important developmental periods in a child's life.

Once a term, starting between grade 4 and 6, have designated one on one time with a counsellor (in the case of Collingwood, where we all ready have a public health team, bring in one of the public counselors, and offset the group lessons with a half hour meetings!) so that students have a safe forum to discuss big events in their life, and have an early diagnosis for at risk children.

What are your thoughts on the subject and my proposal? Do you feel you did or would have benefit from counseling during puberty?

Monday, June 4, 2012

Relationships: Good, Bad, and Ugly

"You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly."
- Sam Keen

To say that I grew up in a traditional family would be inaccurate. I grew up with a mommy, daddy, sister, dog and cat all living in one household. We sure didn't step out of 'Leave it to Beaver' though! We fought, tore each other's hair out, laughed and cried. There were times I hated my mom, resented my sister, cried cause I thought my daddy was mad at me. There were times when my mom was the first person I ran to with a scraped knee, my sister was the reason I had to go beat up that boy who made her cry, and my dad was the one who dealt with the boy who had made ME cry. There were issues in my relationships with my parents that took me halfway across the world, but at the end of the day, the only reason I came back at all was the love I had for, and felt from, my family. My mother and father did not have a perfect relationship. What, to my eyes, made their relationship so special was that they stuck together through thick and thin and they always supported each other. 

Mark and I have raised eye brows at the fact that we are still together. We do not have a perfect relationship, because we are not perfect people. I have my own issues I have to deal with and he does as well. One plus one, does not equal one, contrary to what many people seem to think. We are learning how to be an individual so that we can know how to be a couple. 

Earlier today, I was doing research on aspects that most successful relationships have. It gave the ten most important to the survival of a relationship, and I know for a fact that I have eight out of those ten in my relationship! This was exactly what I was looking for, but did not impact me the way I had thought it would. I expected to feel a little lost and worried after reading it. Instead I feel reassured and content. 

1- Friendship. Mark and I spent an entire month just trying to get to know each other, before he manned up and asked me properly, if I would like to go out with him. We had a strong attraction to each other right away, but we did not just jump right into a relationship. In the year and a half since, we have spent time getting to know each others families, history and friends. Mark and I have told each other things, without judgement or repulsion that we would not tell (almost) anyone else.

2- Humor. For me, this is another sign of friendship. I am not very good at this, but he is absolutely wonderful at it. Sometimes too much so (using it to deflect).

3- Communication. Without pushing, we try very hard to communicate with each other. We do not communicate in the way that we necessarily should all of the time- so many years spent hiding and keeping and locking things away, but it is something we have tried to be honest with.

4- Chore sharing. Mark hates laundry and I hate dishes. We both hate a dirty living room but he hates to sweep or vacuum and I dislike dusting. 

5- Sexual Intimacy. The description the website gave of this pointed out that this is something that also needs to be discussed and shared equally... I am choosing not to go into details here but this is probably our best example of successful communication between each other.

I'm halfway to the end of the list!

6- Affection: It points out that couples who stay in physical contact some way each day have appeared to have the happiest relationships. Not necessarily leading to physical intimacy but that even that leads you to realize your partner is thinking about you each day. We don't have issues here, MOST of the time. Mark has two different homes. Here and Toronto and unfortunately Toronto is all consuming and communication is nearly non existent when he is there.

7- No "Horsemen of the Apocalypse". Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. No description necessary here really. While we both struggle with the left over fears of this from our past relationships- friendships, romantic and family- we also know that we can trust each other not to commit these actions when we do try to communicate.

8- Mutual and Separate Friends. :) <-- This says it all. Exclusively mutual friends is dangerous.

9- Reliability. Mark and I are very different in this regard. We know that we are not equal here and this is the second issue we have in our relationship.

10- Relationship Vision. An idea of what you want and where you want to be, ten or twenty years. Tomorrow might be a mystery but hey if we know what we want in life, we can face the challenges that pop up in between here and there. Mark and I have a pretty decent vision which stems from our communication.

So what were the two we had issues with? Communication and Reliability. Probably the two most destructive but our communication will improve. Until these two do improve, however, we can't plan a wedding. So we have delayed (not removed or replaced) our vision for the future. 

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Why writing was easier in high school

"Writing about a writer's block is better than not writing at all"
- Charles Bukowski

I have been in a writing slump for... three years. When I was in high school, I wrote on a daily basis. Assignments, interest based reports and far too often, stories that replaced the math work I was supposed to be focusing on. There are all kinds of writing that I could focus on: at the root, there is fiction or non-fiction. These then break down into all the various types and genres- fantasy, contemporary, historical, autobiographical and memoir, biographical, reports, studies... then after that, there is your focus, for fiction you have character, plot, event driven stories. I have always written plot and event driven stories. Friends have told me that while I am unable to write script style, my stories have read more like movie scenes by chapter. I use this to make up for my perceived inadequacies in character.

"The better work men do is always done under stress and at great personal cost"
-William Carlos Williams

When I was in school, words and characters and plots came easily. I have decided that this is due to the fact that I ignored everything else in favor of writing. I have a report due next week, worth 30% of my grade? Oh well. I have a chapter I want to try and get out for tomorrow. Oh, my report is due tomorrow? Guess I should start it... I have concluded that I was lazy but focused. I hated my life so I read and I wrote, but over the past few years, my life has grown. Its not amazing or perfect, but there are enough of those little moments of bliss that I am content in mediocrity. I don't feel the hunger to try and get my work done, and I don't experience the anger that makes me throw it away in a rage and use foul language to describe it. I can not recall the last time I wrote a poem I was proud of or wanted someone to ever read it. I struggle to come up with an "exciting" plot or concept now. So when I find one, I throw myself into planning and story line because I feel unable to write the story itself. It's for this reason I have routinely written with other friends and contacts as well.

"Don't try to figure out what other people want to hear from you; figure out what you have to say. It's the one and only thing you have to offer"
-Barbara Kingsolver

For the first time in my life, I am not focusing on on what story to tell to get people interested. I'm attempting to focus on the people who will make the story. Bear with me, as I am out of practise with writing beyond the planning stage! I am writing "unscripted". Also: be excited- I'm writing unscripted! But I have put myself on a self-imposed time line. I have two months, start to finish, along with my regular updates, here.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Not for Sale: Resourceful Education

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Based out of California, USA, Not for Sale is an organization dedicated to abolition and education. They act to educate people on the ways that trafficking occur world wide, attempt to provide fare trade options for consumers, and act on the frontline to remove men, women and children from unhealthy, unlawful situations of trafficking.

David Batstone credits the original idea for Not for Sale from an article he read, similar to Craig Kielburger of Ontario, that gave details on a slavery and trafficking related death.

Different abolitionist movements cite different numbers on how many people are trafficked annually and how many people currently live in slavery around the world. Not for Sale gives a number that many sources list: about 30 million. That is nearly the entire population of Canada. This is the number of people currently trafficked or held for the purpose of exploitation and covers any number of different fields. For those readers who have a strong sense of empathy towards people suffering, I recommend you click the link at the bottom, and explore the different avenues of education that this organization offers. It is not just field work, but there are classes and options for those who wish to work on the home field to help stop trafficking. Explore the slavery map and see what's listed. I was surprised to find an article about the next town over from myself I had never heard about, and find that an event I did know of had not been listed. It may surprise you to look at what actually occurs in your back yard. 

Monday, May 28, 2012

Mayhem and Madness, Unreal Reality

Hey guys, so in the last week my life has gotten a little bit messy. I should still update on time, as this is something incredibly important, but I am going to leave the almost journalistic ones out of it, for now. However, I will still be posting three times a week, attempting to do so on Monday's, Wednesday's, and Thursday's. I'm really excited to say that in the last two weeks, I have had 120 hits on these posts. If you have not had a chance to look through my previous posts, I hope you do so.

I previously stated that my goal was to post a personal update, an article or review, and then a reflection. It is far more likely that I will be posting some of my previously posted writing (stuff you can find elsewhere on the internet), an article or review, and then one that will be in different categories (see my business proposal update, and in the future I plan to include survey's and requests for opinions on different story lines or characters. I may post synopsis' of my new or upcoming writing or details about certain stories or characters). For now, you will have to forgive me, I am going to post a story I wrote at age 14 for my English class. I got the equivalent of an A+ on it, and a note from my teacher that they did not want to know what lead me to write it. When I was 18, I re-worked the story and submitted it to my first writers craft teacher. She was not nearly as content with it. Her criticism was that it was not realistic. Read it and let me know what you think?

Date: 6th February, 2008Draft: #2
Title: Unreal Reality

The girl stood as a lone survivor. She was the destructive hurricane that had wrecked everything in her path and was, only now, slowly dying. With little heed to the remaining proof of her earlier temper, the girl kicked any of the objects she felt were unnecessarily hindering to her out of her way as she journeyed the remaining five steps to the far corner of her room. 
There she stood, oddly detached, as she surveyed her reflection in the mirror. It was a full-length mirror, and it was one of the only objects that remained intact in her room. The girl cocked her head as she looked at herself. It took a moment for her to even realize that she was, indeed, looking at herself. The reflection that looked back from the mirror at her was far removed from the other her she knew. This reflection looked nothing like the other girl, this reflection resembled a bloody wraith. 
The girl looking back at her had bloody gouges down her face, the rapidly drying red was the only color on a face that was otherwise the color of death. A receding redness in her eyes left behind a deep and vivid green coloring. Smudges of mascara had not fully been wiped off by the scalding hot water. The water had also caused red and nearly raw spots over much of her skin that she knew would fade and disappear by morning. Her hair was a rapidly drying tangle of auburn curls, and blood dripped from viscous scratches that criss-crossed each other across her legs and arms.
She had a headache. The Advil she had taken earlier had not helped. It grew progressively work instead and now her stomach also hurt as well. She turned to the shelf where she normally kept her migraine relief- only to find that she had knocked the shelf at some point, from the wall. Clutching the corner of her towel she knelt and shifted piles of her belongings until she found what she had been searching for. Picking up the bottle of extra strength migraine relief Advil, she quickly and efficiently dry swallowed the capsules. Carefully she walked the other two steps to her bed. The girl crawled into the corner of the mattress where the two walls of her room met. Here she curled up, he back in the corner and slept almost immediately, exhausted from the spending of so much emotional energy just an hour before. 
It was still dark outside when, just a short three hours later, her alarm went off jolting her into the world. Thought she wanted to hit the snooze as any average teenager would, she instead stretched and climbed from her corner. Gathering the towel about her again, the girl went back to the shower.
This time she did not scald herself with the water. The girl did not tear out her hair or gouge out her skin. She had bitten off her nails so she could not again scratch herself. Her eye color had faded back again to the neutral hazel it always was. The couple hours of sleep had done nothing to abate the headache so she took three more Advil capsules, and suddenly the girl from hours before was gone, and the other girl had returned. Choosing her outfit carefully and applying her makeup with perfection she hid the signs of the night before. She readied herself for the day of school before her, smiling to herself and hiding any sign that she was not feeling well.
Throughout the day she laughed and joked with her classmates. At lunch she hid in the library, taking a few more pills for the migraine so she could focus on her reading. By the end of the day she had all but forgotten the other girl.
As she stood at her locker, every now and then someone would stop and talk to her. She would wave and make a return comment, smiling and discussing classes or homework. Nobody mentioned the look that was new to her that day. They didn’t ask if she was all right when she fell silent at moments, or the far away and lonely look she had tried unsuccessfully to hide all day.
She swallowed a few more Advil to keep her from getting sick on the walk home from school. She intended to go home, do her homework, take a bath, eat a light supper and then sleep right through to the next day. That being decided, she headed for the half an hour walk home.
When the students got to school the next morning, she didn’t come in. It wasn’t a big deal since she had seemed pretty ill the day before. They all figured she’d just been sick and so no one was really worried. The first announcement of the morning was made by the principle.
His voice, which was normally cheery and an attempt to grab people’s attention, was quiet and subdued. The change in tone caused more quiet than it would have otherwise. “Hello students,” he began, “last night on of your class mates was killed. A truck hit her on her way home from school. She reportedly walked into the oncoming transporter and was dead from her injuries by the time the police arrived.” 
He stopped for a moment. Perhaps to collect wayward thoughts and gather them into a coherent statement. “It is always awful when we loose one of our students, but especially when we loose one in this manner. It seems that it was a successful suicide attempt, and the driver did not see her prior to the collision.” He let this sink in before continuing, “There is a social worker and investigating officer here this afternoon, anyone with information on this student is asked to come and talk to them and tell them what they know or what they may have noticed in the past couple of days. There are also grief councilors available after the announcements today for anybody who would like to see them. Thank you.” With those final two words, the Principle’s voice died.
None of the girl’s classmates said anything for several long moments. The teachers asked if anybody knew anything- but nobody did. They asked if anybody needed to go to guidance to see the councilors, but nobody did. 

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Poetry for a purpose

I started writing several years ago. There has been very few items I have ever been proud to claim as my own though. When I was in my early teens, I began to try at writing poetry. Today I will share the two pieces I am most proud of. 

Number one: It is a memorial poem I wrote when my uncle died close to christmas a few years ago. I read it at the funeral, as I stood with my sister and his eldest daughter who was my best friend for quite some time. Please acknowledge the fact that these poems are cited as mine, and while I do not mind if you use them for something else, that they were written with certain purposes and emotional commitments behind them.

Number two: Was one I wrote to go with a piece of artwork I drew- one of the very few that turned out anything like I had hoped they would. It was also intended to be the prologue to a story line I have worked on and off with for quite some time. Eventually, this poem will act either as a chapter heading, or the prologue itself. Again, note that these are mine, and I have posted them elsewhere on the internet with the copy right to myself.

Angels singing in the sky, 
Though man can't see them with his eye;
But you who's gone can see their splendor,
Shining light, the path of the mender.

Time will pass, and we’ll move on,
Though no doubt you won’t be gone.
As long as those who knew you best,
Continue to remember, you may rest.

You blazed your path-
Though your life was short,
You left your family
-With good memories in their heart.

You had your share of ups and downs, 
Though your love, it knew no bounds.
We’ve got to go, and let you Live;
Though it won’t be easy, we’re willing to forgive,
That you went and left us, because your pain is over,
Good-bye and please, make sure we don’t surrender.
To the times around, help us be strong, and maybe it won’t really seem that long,
For next we see you, then we’ll all be much better. 


Faeries here, so bravely dancing;
Wings of light, dreams enhancing,
This realm of flight I enter here
Though I'm just a mortal mere.

The trail ahead is lost to sight-
The mornings sun is burning bright.
No sign of anyone, the path seems cold,
Yet night of last they danced so bold.

Here and there among the grass
A ring is found, though it isn't brass;
Not set in gold, no jewels found
A fairy home, they danced round and round. 

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Presenting Profits

"In my recent experiences with death and funerals, I have come to appreciate the need for rituals, for the ceremony, where once I simply felt impatience, even disgust, at the whole procedure. It is hard, though, hard to make a meaningful ceremony out of death in America in our time. Certainly the funeral industry isn't interested in authenticity, it's interested in efficiency, profit, and assembly-line repetition."
ADOLF HESCHL, Das Intelligente Genom

Can you guess what sickens me? According to the internet, the average cost of a funeral alone (no, this does not include a "donation" which is often mandatory if you wish for a member of clergy to be present, nor does it cover ANY of the burial costs) is between $5000 and $7000. My mothers, for instance, cost well over $7000, and that gave us the bare minimum of what was offered, with a number of things given for free because we were personally connected to the family that ran the funeral parlor. This is without the other $5000- $10 000 it will cost us to have an urn of cremated remains buried. 

What is worse is the often blatant exploitation of grieving family members. Thank God that we had family and friends there for us, helping to reassure us and to help with the organization and cost or else I have no idea what would have happened to my mom. I just read an article online, which stated that for those that are "poor", "a service is [still] available to these members of society that helps to ensure they too can rest in peace" - the article further states that if one is on social assistance, they MIGHT qualify for up to $2500 for funeral costs. (See: Dying Poor )

Did you know that the cost of a gravestone alone, in my area, starts at $4000? Or that the cost to dig a small grave for the urn (let alone what it would be for a coffin)is $500? That is with a plot pre-purchased. 

A report by Calderdale and Citizens Advice, best illustrated the reason why people continue to beggar themselves over the cost of a funeral.
" Funeral rites are as old as humanity itself, and perform important psychological, sociologica, religious and symbolic functions for bereaved living that are left behind. They play a vital role within the bereavement process, as a funeral can assist the bereaved with acknowledging to themselves that the death has actually occurred, as well as providing an opportunity for the bereaved to publicly and jointly express their grief, share memories, and come together in a forma ceremony dedicated to the deceased[...]
[ ...] The bereaved can feel so strongly about this need for dignity that they may well be willing to incur debts or financial hardship in order to provide their deceased loved one with a respectful funeral service. " [Source Link Here ]

The report goes on to give the example of an elderly man who had no collateral to take a lean against, to pay for a gravestone and  was so distressed that he left his apartment home to live with a friend, so that the money formerly spent on his day to day needs, would be spent ensuring his wife was not in an unmarked grave- often associated with a theif or someone so negative that there was no one in their life to claim or care for them. This is also one of the reasons our own mother, after six months, has still not been put to rest. It is psychologically unhealthy to keep a deceased loved one with you, but what happens when you can't afford to put that person in the ground?


This post was brought on by the fact that we would like to find a final resting place for my mother, but are still unable to meet the costs. As it is, my father views himself as several thousand dollars in debt to another family member who was caring and helped share our burden during last fall when it seemed like our world was caving in on itself.

The second influence for this article was the episode of 60 Minutes which aired last Sunday. It discussed a specific company in the US, which offers more affordable options for burials but only because they double sell plots, or completely wipe them out, throwing the previous occupants into mass graves. If you are interested, the link to this is: 60 Minutes

Monday, May 21, 2012

Summertime Blues? No thanks!

Hey guys, so I fell behind last week but it's because I decided on two different items in politics/ the news to commentary on, but I need to do some research on it first! So look forward to my commentary on the Occupy! Movement, which believe it or not is still going (all though not on the same level it was); and on Bill C-31, which will make it impossible for many groups to apply for refugee status or appeal immigration decisions. I want to make sure I have well rounded information.

Now, on to my life update! Ladies, and Gents, I had the most amazing week! This week was beautiful, warm and sunny - the the exception of a day and a half but that can be forgiven as I needed to catch up on my sleep anyways. Ordinarily, this weekend is nice. This year it was amazing. This whole past week has been beyond positive.

What made it so wonderful? I got a second job which works well with my other in terms of scheduling. Mark worked steady the entire week and has a good chance of steady work for the rest of the summer. I found the dress I want, just have to get measured and purchase it now. I had a girls night with two of my friends who have been out of province/country for school. Mark and I set the date for our wedding, I babysat quite a bit which was good for some extra cash, allowed me to hang out with a friend I don't get to see too much, and well, I got my baby fix-- I have maternal drive so if I can babysit enough, I don't want my own baby so bad, ha ha. I also got a really awesome date night this week with my man <3 . Also I got my garden dug and I'm planting seeds after dinner when the sun goes down- it's well over 30c out with the humidex.

Of course, no week is complete with a bit of negativity, but this time it's very easily the kind I can ignore: everyone seems to have an opinion on how I should do my wedding. Wouldn't it be great if I could grow the balls to tell them to bugger off and let Mark and I do our own thing? Maybe he did take the smarter approach in not telling his parents. Oh, and I'm down a size (this is not a huge deal... I can gain or lose a size within a day or two of a dietary change, but it's still a good sign). Originally I wanted a closed ceremony and open reception, and for the reception to be a potluck. We would do it more like a giant party than anything else. I got the spiel about how upset people will be if they don't get invited to the wedding, then about how tacky it is to do a pot luck (even though I've heard stories from several people about how the only or best wedding receptions they have ever been to have been potluck). So, since I now have to provide enough food for either a very large wedding or an open wedding, I've had to decide to do a buck and doe but the only chance I have to do one is this summer. I've gotten a LOT of support on this from my friends who are psyched for it, but the same family that have been opposed to the above are against us doing a buck and doe so much in advance. But seriously. Who is gonna show to a buck and doe in the middle of february? I wouldn't even have bridesmaids at that point in time... hell I should, in theory, be in the middle of exams then! This is one point I have told people to bite me, on. They can chose not to come if they want to. I'm not asking for tones of money, it's just a party to announce the wedding arrangements, let people know it will be open invite, and give out our registry info! I'm just looking for a good time, all though it would be nice to get the finances to pay for the food and seating for the reception.

Last week, I barely slept as I was too busy being excited, or happy, or hyper. Those two cold days were wonderful for sending me back into hybernate mode and letting me catch up.

This upcoming week is a bit more neutral, but hopefully it will be just as nice out and just as energetic! I've started trying to tell those of my friends something positive because I feel very strongly that the positive needs to be passed along!

Please stay tuned for my two updates later this week, and someone comment or email me about my last post! I need feedback! Wednesday, my post is going to be regarding travel types and a book idea I have. It will ALSO require lots of feedback.